chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
