I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
