You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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