I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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