when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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