she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize