They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
