Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
