There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
