I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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