in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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