Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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