guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
