My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
