I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
someone threw a dead crab at me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize