Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
