moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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