Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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