thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize