You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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