well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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