Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
