I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He's on the porch naked. Help.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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