super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
