mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
