1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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