she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
