living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
