Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
