i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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