I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
