Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
