did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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