So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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