you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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