if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
