i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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