I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
