i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
