i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize