ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
