Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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