We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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