I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Alive.
So much puke
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
