So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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