it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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