You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
