Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
