Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
