And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
