You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
