Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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