She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
