I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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