dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
