i already hear my dad disowning me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
