i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
