I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
