Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
