I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
