She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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