how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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