how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
