and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
