why didn't you poke me back
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
