Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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