Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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