I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
