i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
