He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
