I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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